There are still reports coming in about the poor woman who was attacked by a deranged aquatic killing machine while sitting on the bow of a five-an-a-half meter runabout near Slipper Island in the Bay of Plenty, New Zealand on Boxing Day. The Daily Record of Scotland, in a story entitled "Jack the Flipper" described the dolphin as 'crazed' and caused several injuries to the 27 year old when it jumped out of the water and hit her. The animal landed on her and crushed her with over half a ton of weight before the insane mammal rolled itself out of the boat and swam off unharmed and laughing. The Dominion Post of New Zealand writes that the woman suffered two heart attacks as rescuers tried to get her to safety. Her partner saw the whole thing and was a bit upset. Another woman was thrown through the windscreen and canopy of the boat during the incident, but she's okay.
The Daily Record of Scotland also points out that this is not the first time a dolphin has callously attacked a person.
Actress Susan Sarandon was attacked in the 1970's by a jealous female dolphin while playing with a male dolphin called Joe, which was also the name of the first movie she was in. I remember seeing Robin Williams get attacked while he was filming Dolphins of the World. I remember him suddenly being scared of them. In 2003, National Geographic interviewed four women who were swimming with captive dolphins in an aquarium in Mexico when one of them was pinned to the side of the tank by a female dolphin.
During my search for information on evil killer dolphins, I found a very disturbing story from The Observer in the UK. Thirty-six bottlenose dolphins carrying "toxic dart guns", trained for attack-and-kill missions by the US Navy are missing since Hurricane Katrina compromised their coastal compound and swept them out to sea. They have apparently been trained to shoot terrorists attacking military vessels, but wetsuit divers and windsurfers are most at risk.
Who the hell, not only thinks up the possibility that suicide bombing terrorists might attack a battleship, but then thinks tranquilizer dart shooting dolphins are the answer, and not only that, they actually spend millions of dollars on training the dolphins and arming them with dart guns??!! That is, of course, a rhetorical question. We all know that the Americans will do it.
Anyway, I'm getting off the track. Evil dolphins. That's what I'm talking about. Some dolphins around Japan have been caught trying to grow more fins! Maybe they are trying to grow legs and come back on the land. Look out if they do! They already have working dart guns!
The good news is that there are people who can see the threat. Anti-Dolphin.org give us hope by showing us tactical information on the dolphins and showing us ways that the dolphins can attack and take over the world. They already have 70% of it - and the Flipper theme song proclaims them the King of the sea! Know your enemy.
See you down at the harpoon shop.